Oscars 2026: All of Conan O’Brien’s top jokes from the opening monologue with full transcript

Highlights from Conan O’Brien’s Opening Monologue at the 2026 Oscars
Photo: The Nightly

Highlights from Conan O’Brien’s Opening Monologue at the 2026 Oscars

At the 98th Academy Awards, Conan O’Brien delivered a sharp and humorous opening monologue that had the star-studded audience laughing throughout. Over almost 11 minutes, he made witty remarks about Hollywood’s biggest names, streaming platforms, and the film industry’s quirks. One of the standout jokes addressed the Epstein scandal, drawing the biggest reaction of the night with a pointed comparison between British and American handling of paedophiles. O’Brien also sprinkled in classic dad humour, joking about the F1 film and its upcoming sequel ‘Cap’s Lock’. Timothée Chalamet became the subject of a light-hearted jab related to arts communities, while Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos was playfully teased about the streaming giant’s impact on movie theatre attendance. Other moments included risqué humour referencing Sean Penn’s scene in One Battle After Another, as well as clever quips about Best Picture nominees Hamnet and Bugonia. O’Brien also highlighted the Oscars’ international reach and importance in celebrating global artistry, patience, and optimism, encouraging viewers to appreciate cinema despite chaotic times. The monologue was both funny and reflective, blending pop culture satire with thoughtful recognition of filmmaking as a collaborative art form.

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